How ABC (yes the television network) is like GM (yes the car company)

"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit) 09/24/2015 at 20:12 • Filed to: None

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This week is Primetime Premiere Week! Hooray! That means a lot of new television to watch especially on broadcast! Hooray! What can possibly be more exciting than finding out if a TV show is a colossal waste of time or not! (I should’ve just heeded !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and be done with it.) All of the networks rolled out their most hyped programming, and it looks like ABC might come out as one of the big winners. But it’s been a challenging road to get there - and it might be a story that will sound a little familiar.

Like any good Millennial such as myself, the history of the Big Networks battling each other shouldn’t really interest us beyond the recent history. Oh sure we can go all the way back to the 50s and the 60s through the present where ratings leadership changed hands, though if I recall correctly CBS likely had more top spots than the other two/three, just as they dominate now. ABC did have somewhat of an “also ran” reputation, being more of a second tier network rather than top banana. They perhaps had their last true heyday in the 90s with the dominance of TGIF on a night that would be bonkers to program now no less along with a slate of multi-cam family sitcoms throughout the week - just in time for then-owner Capital Cities Communications to be bought out by Disney (yes that Disney, the Disney that buys out everything like they’re Comcast).

At the turn of the century, when TGIF petered out with a whimper and every TV critic and his or her sibling wrote off the family sitcom as left for dead, ABC started foundering for years as they desperately searched for something that would return them to the glory days of ratings leadership, not unlike how during the exact same time period the Denver Broncos bounced from QB to QB (and in infinite wisdom ending up with Tim Tebow Peyton Manning fuck it I quit football ). They became that space on that channel-thingie that was maybe in between NBC and CBS or right under FOX. Seriously can you name a single program on ABC that was on before LOST was all the rage?

And of course that brings us to ABC’s current success story - but not quite, not so fast. LOST was of course the drama that spawned a million copycats as NBC especially tried to recapture ABC’s lightning in a bottle and ABC themselves tried to see if that bolt would strike twice and finding out that lo and behold it did with Once Upon a Time , a kind of fairy tale-genre LOST brought to you by two of LOST’s contributing writers. ABC would later try to (re)build a viable primetime empire with Grey’s Anatomy and returning to the family comedy, quite literally, with Modern Family . While all four of these shows would become critical darlings and shower ABC PR with all the accolades PR reps have wet dreams about, there were still major, glaring holes in ABC’s schedule that belay their status as just an also-ran.

For starters there was the massively hyped remake of the sci-fi drama V that fizzled into a second-season run and was mercy-killed. ABC tried to see if they can bring a more family-oriented “dramady” tilt to a replacement, No Ordinary Family starring Micheal Chiklis of The Commish and The Shield fame (wow he really likes cop shows that start with definitive articles) but likewise couldn’t climb out of the ratings to earn a second season. It was finally replaced with Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. - which, wait, you say, is a massive hit thanks to the backing of the Marvel Cinematic Universe! Ehhh...that’s what ABC PR wants you to think - and indeed it’s true today , but AoS positively hemorrhaged ratings even into its second season before stabilizing into an actual success, no thanks in part to what many people consider a supremely subpar debut season.

As for the comedy front, ABC paired Modern Family with The Middle , a moderate success the execs are all too happy to renew at the end of each outgoing season. To further help bolster the Wednesday comedy line-up, ABC also placed what ended up being a seemingly endless revolving door of sitcoms that were almost guarantee to die by season’s end, if not sooner. The same was tried on Tuesday nights in the hour prior to the drama schedule with the same (or even worse) results. An attempt to re-establish TGIF anchored by Tim Allen’s Last Man Standing has been an abject failure with the pairing half-hour being yet another revolving door for one-season wonders. Despite a few shows so successful they were able to hog the headlines and mask ABC’s true woes, it looked like the network was about ready to slip yet again.

But now, ABC has finally established a firm turnaround. Thursday nights solidly belong to them (aside from CBS’s Chuck Lorrie comedies, but hey there’s nothing wrong with a little sharing) thanks to the branded “TGiT” block of dramas including Grey’s , Scandal and How to Get Away With Murder (oh and congratulations to Viola Davis’ Emmy win, of course). Wednesday is no longer a revolving door for anything not Modern Family or The Middle with Black-ish planting itself as an immovable post- Modern Family anchor. And Tuesdays are no longer an ABC scheduler’s weekly nightmare - now that AoS has finally established itself, it can help secure that night with the now apparent breakout success of the highly anticipated and nostalgia-drenched The Muppets - !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , fans have flocked to its premiere night and lit up the Twittersphere with fanboyish praise (I’d recreate it here, but trust me, I’m sparing you). I’d say it’s an absolute stone-cold solid bet that ABC is back on its feet.

I’m sure you might think the story sounds familiar - in fact, it almost has to. In the 2000s, there had been a virtual “deathwatch” on lock for ABC, not unlike that targeted at GM. GM had many successes and false pretenders along its way to bankruptcy - the Pontiac G8 wasn’t enough to save the brand; Saturn coming out with well-praised badge clones and imports couldn’t stay afloat; the quirky cult of SAAB wasn’t enough to prevent its sale to the Chinese where they may or may not make them again. Right when GM seemed its brightest was also one of its darkest hours. But like ABC, GM was able to ultimately figure out how to actually capitalize on its major successes for a huge comeback its competitors prayed would never come. A little cute-ute called the Buick Encore begot the Chevy Traxx, which I understand is a thing people actually buy. A trio of amazingly bland three-row SUVs which for some reason are called “Acadia,” “Traverse” and... “Enclave?” Did they just randomly pick words out of a dictionary Hyundai-style? ...are top sellers. Blah blah blah, trucks, blah blah blah, Camaro, blah blah blah, 31 MPG CORVETTE STINGRAY! And such, I’m sure maybe they move a Malibu or Cruz in there too, statistics and all. Oh, and I guess the Impala is a success now too. And something about Buick and China and three-letter Cadillacs with RWD.

Cheers to the new TV season!

RustedSprinter > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 09/24/2015 at 22:07

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Wall of text!